As usual...

I guess it's better late than never, right?

Quick update on the month: made lots more candy, did Christmas shopping and wrapping, started school again, and had round 6 of chemo. Been busy.
I'm officially done making candy, but still have to sort it into tins. I'm pretty happy with what I've gotten everyone for Christmas (wish I could have done a little more though), just hope they all like their presents! And I'm LOVING school! The class I started 2 weeks ago is called Mixed Media, and it's all about drawing and painting, and it's taking me out of my head!

Right now, I really need that. I had a treatment today, but first there was my appointment with Dr Lancaster. He was straight with me from the beginning about this being treatable, but not necessarily curable. But with the CT scan results, I really got my hopes up. They are still up, but not nearly as high. Dr. Lancaster told me today that once metastasis has occurred, the possibility of a cure is slim to none. In his words, "miracles happen..." I have a PET scan scheduled for January 3rd, and another appt with Dr. Lancaster on the 9th. So that will give me a much clearer picture of what is going on inside of me. There is still a decent possibility of shrinkage.
On the upside, if things are going as planned (i.e. nothing has spread or grown further) then I'll be downgrading my chemo. Just Alimta once every 3 weeks, no more Carboplatin. The Doc calls it "maintenance" and he seems pretty happy about it.
Of course, after all this, I kind of stopped breathing for a minute. It was hard to hear him say that I'll basically have cancer forever. 10,000 questions passed though my mind - but none of them would form in my mouth...the lump in my throat was too big.

So, as I sat down for treatment Sandra, my nurse for the day, noticed I was pretty upset and asked what was wrong. She sat down with me and answered every question I could think of. She said that with very few exceptions, no cancer is ever truly "cured" - 99% of cancers are either maintained at a stable place, or have the possibility of recurrence. At least that is something I won't need to worry about - I won't have recurrence, just have to monitor for symptoms and growth/spread. The way Sandra explained it made a lot of sense - Cancer is a disease, just like Diabetes or High Blood Pressure. They need to be monitored and medicated. They are all potentially very harmful. It just so happens that my medicine is chemo, and I'll be taking it for the rest of my life, just like a diabetic may need insulin.

So, this is where I am. I have Lung Cancer, and it is most definitely mine. However, it is only a disease, and it is treatable, and maintainable. But it is by no means a death sentence.

Sorry for being a party pooper...
Amanda and them

Cooking Through Chemo

I know, I know. I'm not keeping up my end of the bargain! I need to write more often. But I'm forgetful, and kinda lazy - well, when it comes to things I should be doing, anyhow...

But in all fairness, I have been kinda busy. The week after I last wrote I went home for 4 days, got to see my Hubbymonster and spend nice quality time with him - talking and watching movies whilst cuddling is always the best!! Also, I got to get out and see my friends, a few of which I hadn't seen since all this started. I sat down to an awesome drum set for the first time in my life - and I was a natural. LMAO! Just kidding, I sucked big old rotten eggs! I can keep a rhythm, but cannot manage more than 2 drums at once (and I have no very little idea what the lingo is, so I'm making it up as I go)! My friend says to me, "Now that you have the 4 count on the top hat and the 1 count on the snare, add a 2 count on the bass drum." And that is where it allllll fell apart. I looked like I was trippin on acid while sitting in a tornado. It was hilarious. I never realised I was quite THAT uncoordinated! Maybe with a little practice...I wonder if I could talk Mom and Dad into letting me put a set in the basement? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...just kidding Mom!

So, I'm on a mission. No, not the drum thing, but that would be cool! My mission is to make as much candy as humanly possible before Christmas. I have no idea why I decided to do this, or how the idea even came about, but it's here - with signs reading, "Hell No, We Won't Go!" So I'm making candy. Lots of candy. So far, I've made 10 batches, and have at least 3 more to work on. Maybe 4...I'm undecided on attempting hard tack. Mom says it's a pain, best friend says it's a piece of cake. But then I found a cool recipe builder on truffle making...sheesh, when I get obsessed, I really get obsessed!

Aw crap! What am I going to do in January? I'll have to find a new hobby! Oh, wait! That's right, I'm starting school again!! Before my "life got twisted upside-down" (hands up if you get the reference) I had been doing really well in my online graphic design classes! That should take up a sufficient amount of time!

Let's see, what else have I gotten up to in the past month? I helped (a very little bit) Mom and Dad with the Christmas decorations, the house yard and house look really pretty! I love Xmas lights! By the way...Xmas and Christmas are exactly the same thing to me, so I'll probably be using both terms, hopefully no one will be overly offended by it! And if they are, well, they know where the door is! LOL

I think that's pretty much it for now, I can't think (no comment) of anything else. Thursday is my next chemo, so I'll probably be out for a while.

Cya on the flip side!
Mandy, Goober, and The Chocolate Coated Minions

October Update.

I need a huge kick up the ass for not posting in 3 weeks. I'm sorry. I would look at Blogger and think, I really need to post, then get busy doing something else and forget about it.

So, as you know, I had chemo yesterday, and an AMAZING visit with Dr Lancaster. I won't go over all that again, but I realized I forgot to add a tidbit of info. I'll have 2 more treatments with the same chemo-cocktail, then a PET Scan to see exactly what's going on in there. The scan will be in about 2 months, so I'll let ya know as and when that rolls around. Please keep your fingers crossed for me!

So, I guess I should fill you all in a little on this past month, I mean, why else would you read this unless you were interested, right?

October is my absolute favorite month of the year. It is the only time of the year that you can become anything or anybody you want and not be called crazy! If you were to want to be a zombie in, say, June, people might think you'd lost it. Yes, yes, I AM a Halloween nut! And I was far too close to being very disappointed this year! I really thought (and yes I know this is extremely petty) Hurricane Sandy was going ruin what (at that point) I though could very well be my last Halloween.

Now, I know there are a lot of people who are probably appalled by that statement. I apologize, and I feel very badly for the people whose lives have been ruined by that one act of nature (I wish there was something tangible I could do to help them) but I was pretty low at that point, and I was feeling sorry for myself. There are times when the "positive attitude" just refuses to kick in.

So anyhow...The weather was crappy, and we didn't even decorate for Oct 31st. Luckily, our town decided to move trick-or-treat night to the following Saturday. The weather got a bit better and we were able to scare up a half decent walk-through for the kids. We even got 30-odd kids this year - and more than a few screams! For this area, that's a lot! Last year I think Mom and Dad got 7 or 9 kids...not really worth setting up a whole graveyard and walk-through to attempt to scare less than 10 toddlers...just kidding, we try not to terrify the little ones. The tweens and teens, however, are fair game. And if the adults are dumb enough to venture into our little nightmare, well they deserve what they get...mwahahahahhahaha!!

The week before the festivities, we started on the pumpkins. Between Mom, Dad, and myself we had 18 decorated. This was our first year sculpting too. I've attached a pic to show some of our work. I absolutely loved it, only 1 of mine took less than an hour to finish, and the longest took over 4 hours!

It really helped me forget about things for a while...I tend to completely zone out when I get into creative mode. I wish I had known about this a couple decades ago, but then again, I never had the patience then to do the things I love now! I learned a couple of years ago that I was half decent at drawing and designing, now I can spend hours on a single project and not blink an eye about it. Then I would have been more worried about hanging out with friends and talking about boys...and in my 20s it would have been more important to go out and drink all night. What a waste!! Oh well, live and learn, right?

Yeah, well...sculpting, that's what I was on about, right? I think I may have to find something else to carve on for a while. Might get some wood-working tools and try my hand at whittling, or get some clay and see what I'm like with sculpting in that. Different mediums give drastically different results. But, like I told mom, there are always watermelons in the summer, and maybe I'll try some different types of fruits/veggies in the meantime. Wow, how strange am I? *laughs*

But then, it has been a strange month. One of my nurses said this time in my life will be a roller coaster, and man was she right! I go from being happy and laughing one minute to crying and being pissy the next. I find myself arguing with my Mom about the stupidest of things, and I'm not sure why. I don't know if I just want to piss someone off as badly as I am, or if I seriously feel the way I think I do at the time - sorry Mom!! Then there are other times that I completely zone out and forget what I was saying or doing - and not just for a second or two. Example: I was talking on the phone to a friend, and chatting online to my cousin. Mom starts coughing in the next room and doesn't respond when I ask if she's OK. I hang up the phone, run in to check on Mom (she was OK, BTW), a lens pops out of her glasses and I try to help with that - during this process, I sit down on the sofa and notice The Pacifier is on. Glasses are fixed, so my attention turns to sexy sexy Vin Diesel. After about 10 minutes of watching sexy sexy Vin, I realized that my cousin was still online waiting for me to reply! D'OH!!! I think I am starting to understand the term "chemo brain"...
The best one, though, is when I'll be trying to tell a story, or make a point, and forget what I'm talking about. I'll go through 15 different tangents before stopping and saying...what was my point again? Then half an hour later I might remember, and then feel like a doofus when I go back the the original story. The only thing worse in this scenario is when I go back to the original story only to forget my point again...sometimes life is funny - sometimes it is just annoying as f**k! LMAO

TTYL!

Mandy, Thinner Goober & The Fabulously Diminishing Minions

The Results Are In!!

Hello to all of you in Cyber Land!

I hope this posting finds you in good health and an excellent mood! Because that's where I am!
I am sitting at the Beaver Cancer Center with an IV in my hand, and a huge smile on my face...and it's only partially due to the steroids they've just given me!

Last week I had a CT scan to see how Goober and the Minions were getting along. It was a horrible week, My nerves were about shot, my attitude was terrible (sorry Mom and Dad), and I cried almost every day. I was terrified that the result would come back and say that not only had the chemo not worked at all, but that the tumors were growing.

In fact, it is just the opposite!! The CT showed that lesions in my soft tissue have shrunk, the fluid in and around my lung is nearly gone, AND there is more air in my lung. A little recap on the initial diagnosis - I was told that the tumor in my lung was so heavy that my lung partially collapsed under its weight...the only way that lung would open up is for that tumor to get lighter. SO! The only reason there would be more air in my lung is if it is opening back up...therefore, the tumor is shrinking! When Dr Lancaster told me that, I cried! In fact, I'm welling up again! Happy tears are something unusual at this point, so I'll shed them gladly!!

Chemo is done for today, and I am outta here! Will update again soon!!

Mandy, Skinny Goober and a couple less Minions!!!

Here we go again

Round 3, done and dusted!

Yesterday was just a complete emotional roller coaster, mainly due to the 3ish hours of sleep I got Tuesday night. My body just will not shut down the night before treatment. My Grandma took me to chemo for the first time, and we stopped for breakfast before the appointment. Guess where the steroids decided to kick in...right there in Burger King (yes, I know, what a good nutritious breakfast). There were a few people in there and of course they all got a good look at the tears running down my face, and Grandma's. Got to love the weepies. At least it gives me a cop-out if I'm having a bad day and want to get it out! The trip went well, had my treatment, plus a flu shot. Then lunch and home.

I managed to catch about an hour of zzz's then had to get ready for a funeral. One of our neighbors battled with cancer for the past few years and it finally wore him down. And it is a damn shame, because Jerald really was one of the good guys.

There is a lot I want to say about this - about him, his family, and his passing - but I really don't think I have it in me at this point. There was a lot of selfish inner reflection that took place yesterday, and I just don't think I'm ready to open that can of worms for the world just yet.

So, for the past few weeks I've been wanting to get out, and karaoke has always been my favorite kind of night out! I dragged my best friend, Tonyea, out to a little bar here in ELO. It was COMPLETELY...empty. Seriously, there were 8 people in the place when we walked in! So we had a good chat (I did most of the talking, as the infused steroids had taken over my mind and make me talk at roughly 500 words per minute). And I got up and attempted 3 songs, which with no breath was, well...interesting. And embarrassing, and infuriating. Singing has always been a part of who I am - not that I'm a great singer or anything, but music is a big part of life. It can get me moving, cheer me up, mellow me out. It is my therapist, my friend, and one of my greatest releases. And my voice is beyond ragged at the minute. My range has gone to shit, and I can't blast any notes because of the collapsed lung. Yay...at least I still have YouTube and Spotify! And Mom is really good at ignoring the dog howling in the background when I start singing in my bedroom! LOL
So, while this hasn't been the fun and fancy free posts of earlier, it is an update. I'm sure I'll be back to normal in a few days, after some good sleep and lots of anti-nausea meds!

Catch y'all later!

Mandy, Goober & the gang

Flexing the Designing Muscles

This came out in a moment of reflection and I thought it deserved to be shared.

Long Overdue...

Howdy!

I've had a great couple of weeks!

My blood counts were good...no neulasta! AND! I got to go home for a few days! I love hanging out with my in-laws, not that we did a whole lot. Dad-in-law was very worried about me over-doing it, and he was probably right, I am as stubborn as an old donkey and try to do too much. But it was great to see them!! And I got to do more cooking! Mom has me watching The Chew most days, and I'm getting a lot of recipe ideas. I inflicted a new one on my in-laws: Mushroom Stew with Dumplings. I made a full batch - which could have served about 15 people - and in the following 3 days we finished off the lot! I've discovered, though, that I'm really not too keen on dumplings...they are a little squidgy and chewy...not my thing.

Oh, and I tried out another idea here at mom and dad's. Pepperoni rolls, sausage rolls (not the English version), and Steak-ummm rolls. The first two are really good (made enough to freeze lots!) but the steak-ummm rolls are just OK. They're not horrible, but they aren't great either. But, they are a quick and easy lunch or dinner as they're already made up and just need to be nuked! Just wish they didn't take 3 hours to make in the first place! LOL

Well, what else...

I dragged my parents out on to Wellsville, Ohio (a whole 10 minutes down the road) for a charity walk. It's called "The Dash for Mat's Bash" honoring Mathugh Johnston, who's life was cut short by Leukemia in 2007. He was only 15 years old. Every year the Wellsville Fire Dept hosts the Dash and honors another member of the community who has lost their battle with cancer. The turnout was great, over 300 people participated in the 1.5 mile run/walk. I'm happy we decided to join in, it showed me that there are a lot of people that really care.

Wish me luck for Wednesday, I have my third round of chemo and I get to see Dr Lancaster again, I have sooooooo many questions! I must write them down this time or I'll forget to ask them! I think I'll be having another PET scan soon to see how the treatments are doing and if we'll be carrying on with this cocktail or changing drinks.  Fingers crossed that at least some of the "minute lesions" are gone! But I'm not even sure when the scan is going to be, so I think I may be putting the cart in front of the horse!

I guess that's about it for now. Everything else has been all the day-to-day stuff that gets boring to read about in every post! So I'm gonna leave it at that for now.

Catch ya on the flip-side!

Mandy, Goober & The pains in my butt!